Chester Flutey

Chester Flutey is the NPC Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He is primarily played by The Dreamer (Izzy Iwamura, Lesley Cassaday), but other mods may periodically make use of him as well.

Appearance

Chester Flutey is a squirrelly man, tall and with a curly, slightly scratchy mess of stubble for a beard and moustache. His hair is red-brown, his eyes pale blue, his complexion an eggshell-white, with an expression that gives him an appearance of perpetual indigestion. Though tall, he is quite scrawny, looking so slight that a stray breeze might knock him over. How a man of his build acquired such a powerful speaking voice is a mystery for the ages.

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Miscellanea

  • Chester Flutey is a Hogwarts alumnus; a Ravenclaw during his tenure as a student. He was both Prefect and Head Boy during his time at Hogwarts.
  • Flutey's wand is Ponderosa Pine and Unicorn Hair.
  • He is known to have received nine O.W.L.s, with solidly above average scores. His academic achievements earned him a professorial post, teaching Transfiguration, at the age of 22.
  • His parents, Richard and Dinae nee Coleville, fought on opposite sides of the Auror War. Dinae received a full pardon when it was revealed she was a regular victim of the Imperious Curse.
  • He is an avid supporter of Muggle dance, and once spent an entire week teaching his Transfigurations class the Charleston.
  • Flutey has been confirmed as the 'Thin Man' mentioned by the Diavolera and by Colm Quinn's prophecy. He has also been confirmed as a once-close friend of the Blue Man, Erik Calutain.

The oratory genius of Chester Flutey

Sorting Feast Speech - Achievement, and How To Achieve it

"…but remember, children, that achievement is the highest thing anyone can achieve. And though the path to achieving achievement is not easy to achieve, one must persevere, and strive to achieve the greatest achievement one can. For there is no finer reward than achievement, and when you have finally achieved achievement, you will realize that achieving it has been your finest hour, and that you will never achieve, in all your life, a more profound achievement than that…"

"Take your seats! It is simply a minor achievement-related setback. Please remain calm."

Second Day Speech - Evil, and Some Sort of Bad Cheese

"…so as you can see, children, if YOU do not defeat the evil that lives within us all, then who will? Surely not me! I'm no good at fighting evil, some people can smell it, but personally I've only ever been able to smell bad cheese, and did you know that bad cheese is usually the cheese that doesn't smell much? It's the good cheeses that always have the real rank odor, but anyway, I'm forgetting myself, we stand at a crossroads between good and evil and some other alignment, we'll call it neutral, and the Neutrals are the ones you really need to be careful about, I mean with enemies you know where they…"

Third Speech of the Year - Par-ty Guy

"Good evening, children! As you know, our first weeks of class have not been the most stable or secure, and for that we the faculty all apologize to you. Rest assured, however, that changes are being made, and everything will be alright. But we need your help! I don't want you to think of me as Chester Flutey, school headmaster. I want you to think of me as Chester Flutey, par-ty guy… a happenin' dude who you can come to with your problems. A dude who cares, who will listen, and who likes to be kept in the loop when there are diavolera to be summoned. Remember, children, all I really want is to help you achieve your achievement. The same is true of the entire faculty. We're all, in our own ways, happenin' dudes. And we are all also willing to forgive certain rules violations when it is done for the greater good. Do you dig?"

Fourth Speech of the Year - My Absence

"Now, students… I know I've been away for some time. It was unavoidable, much like the extinction of the dearly remembered Azerbaijan Hopping Death Spider. Suffice to say that my absence has not been unproductive: I have ensured that you will be well-protected, taken great and unprecedented measures in the security of our school. The darkness will wash against our walls as harmlessly as the tide lapping against the rocks. And when I say tide I certainly don't mean red tide, since I'm told that's toxic and can actually kill you, although I wouldn't know, as I've never been swimming in the Gulf of Mexico. Perhaps someday I'll go, I understand there's a top notch resort managed by a former student, where only nine percent of guests are brutally murdered. This is neither here nor there, of course, students. Well, I suppose it is THERE, but it certainly isn't here. There are dark forces at work, but remember, together we can achieve great things! And no dark wizard will penetrate these walls so long as I am your headmaster. Thank you. Please write letters to your parents explaining as much. About the headmastering and the protection, not the murders at the resort."

Fifth Speech of the Year - Reinstated

"Students, students, students! I have a rather important announcement, which, although not related to your personal achievement, is still important enough to bear listening to, much like the dreaded death wail of the Niagara Shrieking Catfish, which just last year alone claimed over thirteen million lives. Some of them were probably on a steamboat, and did you know that steamboats are powered by lighting dead animals on fire? It's true, I read a documentary - that's a Muggle book where they document stuff - and I also learned that freedom isn't free. Which, of course, brings me full circle, as Gloriana Boulstridge will be resuming her position as Head Girl effective immediately, cleared of all charges on the grounds that she's far too boring to be a criminal mastermind."

Sixth Speech of the Year - Evacuation

"Attention, students and staff. We have had a minor to moderate situation originating in the infirmary, which may threaten the achievement of today's goals. At this time, I would like to ask the faculty, head children, and prefects to please escort your classes back to the commons rooms. I would like to stress that this is in no way an emergency, quite unlike the Duel at Downing Street, where the great and terrible sorcerer Garbanzo fought to the death against Keith Richards for the right to destroy the universe. Please remain calm, do not panic, and remain forward-thinking, with your eyes towards achievement. Thank you."

Seventh Speech of the Year - New Year's Commencement

Nobody actually remembers the content of this speech. It was so boring and drawn out that it actually erased itself from existence.

Eighth Speech of the Year - After the Valentines Day Massacre

"Companions, students, friends…"

Chester stopped here, visibly shaken for perhaps the first time, the look of indigestion replaced with one of something approaching despair.

"We have been attacked, senselessly and indiscriminately, at our most vulnerable point. There are dead - far too many dead - along with their dreams and desires and hopes… and there are more still injured, souls who will bear permanently in body as in mind the marks of tonight's brutality. We do not know who is behind this assault, and there is… there is nothing we can do to change what happened. I won't tell you to feel safe, I won't tell you everything will be alright. I can't promise that. But I can promise we will continue to live. The departed would not want us to cower behind our walls, afraid of the shadows and the crickets.

"We will live our lives. There will be changes, of course - we all must remain vigilant, and we must be prepared for the coming months. But please… please, continue to live. Continue to learn. Continue to grow.

"If everyone would join me in a moment of silence…"

Ninth Speech of the Year - The Changes

Flutey returned to form with his next speech, and few people remember the actual words, only that "achievement" was uttered often, that a strict curfew was enforced, that other than Hogsmeade visits school would continue as normal, and that there would be two new Aurors coming to Hogwarts.

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